bacon and eggs

F*** This Shit!

I HATE EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW I’M SO DEPRESSED I REGRET EVERYTHING!!!

Could I have thought of a better title? Probably, but I don’t currently have the luxury of sifting through my brain for more elegant words. The better part of me would insist that I’m blessed, that I’m luckier than most people, that I get more comforts than most people my age could afford. And “good Godece” is probably right.

But the neurotic (and obviously more dominant) side of me is presently under the impression that EVERYTHING SUCKS RIGHT NOW! I’m completely regretting my decision to major in Linguistics; I could have enrolled in a more functioning degree like Architecture or Engineering or Fashion Design. But instead, I freakin’ took up Linguistics, which is almost another term for Mass Communication. WHY DID I EVEN?

I’m frustrated with my current situation because I just lost weeks of peaceful sleep for a project, and for what? For it to be TOTALLY SCRATCHED? I’m not mad over the whole thing (okay maybe I am, a little), but I am frustrated because I don’t want to execute this “something” half assed. I never do something less than the best. I’m open to failure, of course (what am I, a god?), as long as I know I did everything right and given enough time.

I’m frustrated because I could’ve done better with my life by choosing the right job, and now I’m stuck with one that’s almost making me bipolar: insanely happy and satisfied one moment and cripplingly depressed the next.

What am I doing? “Good Godece” is like, “You’re just being selfish right now, think of their decision too. It’s for the good of the company.” but “neurotic Godece” is like “everything in your life sucks right now you’re so stupid you made all the bad decisions why are you wasting your time working like this make better decisions moron”.

I definitely have stress issues, that’s on point. But maybe it’s my brain’s way of telling me, “It’s time to move on, gurl. Your talents are wasted here. Go find something you deserve.”

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3 thoughts on “F*** This Shit!

  1. I can definitely relate. I get like that sometimes too, especially when my student loans/family/job/decisions stress me out. My major was in English and sometimes I wished I majored in accounting or engineering, something that would guarantee a job with better pay. But it doesn’t help to dwell to past actions. Just make do with what you have the best you can. Just focus on the skills you’ve gained and try to stay positive. It’s hard but it’s possible. It helps to do something you really enjoy–hanging with a friend, going to a movie, or go for a jog. I hope the negativity passes and you find satisfaction again.

    1. Thanks, Zee! I’m sure this little mid-life crisis will pass. I just really didn’t it’d come to the point of me regretting majoring in Linguistics. I loved studying poetry and languages and all that jazz, but maybe I should have chosen something that has a clearer career path.

      But that’s just me. Let’s keep our fingers crossed for a brighter future 🙂

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