The murder mystery continues on Kings Landing. Whoever killed Joffrey, things don’t look too good for our little Imp and his lady wife. However, let’s pause and caw like a mad monkey because JOFFREY IS DEAD! We’re glad to see this sick sick little king go, but we’re sad to say goodbye to Jack Gleeson. He gave us such an awesome performance of a sh*tty king. But back to the murder mystery, like Tyrion, we’re baffled by this strange turn of events. Who REALLY killed Joff?
Off with his head!!!
So Cersei is practically screaming for her brother’s head while still holding her son’s bled out corpse. Of course, her go-to response is to accuse Tyrion for everything shitty about her life, but we can’t really blame her. Always at the receiving end of Joff’s cruel taunts, Tyrion is the best candidate for the murder of Joff.
He looks even more guilty at the sudden disappearance of his wife Sansa who, unbeknownst to the people of Kings Landing, is fleeing for dear life with Dontos the fool. I kinda want to slap her twice in the face for leaving with Dontos but refusing The Hound when he offered to take her back in season 2. But then I can’t blame her; she’s so desperate now for salvation (what with her entire family gone) that she’ll jump at any opportunity.
And apparently, the opportunity is to be “rescued” by the eternally creepy and conniving Petyr Baelish who’s on his way to marry Lady Lysa Arryn, widow of Jon Arryn and ruler regent of the Vale. Sansa dear, Kings Landing isn’t the only place where “we’re all liars here”.
The next one will be easier
One of my current favorites in the show is the dynamic between Lady Olenna and her granddaughter Margaery. They’re both decidedly attractive females from a rich and powerful House who know how to use their feminine wiles to remain in a seat of power and influence. Their personalities are both cunning, calculating, and charming.
From season 3, we knew that Margaery wanted to be “the queen”, but now we realize that her ambitions far exceed her words. Her first question after putting on a black gown for Joffrey’s death is, “So am I the queen?” to which her wise old granny replied, “More than you were with Renly, less than you would have been if Joffrey had done you the courtesy of consummating the marriage before he died.”
Though recently widowed, Margaery can still be queen through a new marriage alliance to Tommen Baratheon. “Our alliance to the Lannisters remains every bit as necessary to them as it is unpleasant for us.” at which point Lady Olenna assures Margaery that Tommen will be easier.
Kingship 101 by Tywin Lannister
Speaking of Tommen, as the next male heir, he automatically inherits the Iron Throne along with the responsibilities and threats that come with it. Responsibilities which, regardless of timing, Tywin immediately reminds him of. The patriarch of the Lannisters look a wee bit pleased that he won’t have to deal with a psychotic idiot little king like Joffrey, but counsel the young and gentle king Tommen. With the grief-stricken Cersei just beside her son, Tywin gives the new king his first lesson on being a ruler. The subject? What qualities make a good king?
Holiness? Baelor the Blessed was pious, but he was too absorbed in his religion that he eventually fasted himself to death. Justice? Orys the First *see bottom page for more info* was just, but not for long. He was murdered in his sleep by his own brother, leaving the kingdom to a cruel ruler. Strength? Robert Baratheon was strong, he won the rebellion and crushed the Targaryen dynasty who ended up whoring and drinking his way to his grave. What do they all lack?
“Wisdom,” replies Tommen. Cersei looks at him sort-of impressed while Tywin hisses his approval with a “Yessssss.” #thatwaseroticOMG He also reminds Tommen that wise kings seek and listen to good counsel before he is fit to rule and continues to listen to them when he is king.
Meanwhile, after Tywin’s History lesson and A Dummy’s Guide to being a King, Game of Thrones enters a new level of wrong. Seriously, this sh*t is f****d up!
Rape is wrong. Raping your sister is wrong. Raping your twin sister is even more wrong. Raping your twin sister beside your incest-born son’s dead corpse is totally and grossly wrong. So yeah, just when we thought Jaime Lannister is dreamy, he flips the coin and does all manner of wrong. #sowrong #verywrong
Sally’s rabbit stew
This badass duo continue their journey towards The Vale, passing through the Riverlands which is now apparently ruled by the Freys #yuck It’s a subtle show of character development when Arya easily composes a lie without even blinking, earning her and the Hound a roof over their head for the night and some rabbit stew for dinner.
Now, let’s talk about Sally’s rabbit stew. It smelled so delicious that Arya and Sandor Clegane salivated during the whole “prayer to the Seven Gods”. It’s such an amusing scene, especially with the Hound’s impatiently added prayer, “And we ask the Stranger not to kill us in our beds tonight for no damn reason at all.” I LOLLED, SERIOUSLY! 😀
But we’re quickly reminded that this dynamic between the she-wolf and the dog isn’t a walk in the park, but a realistic situation where weak people die and the stronger (and more vicious) live. “He’s weak, he can’t protect himself. They’ll be dead come winter. Dead men need no silver.”
If last week’s episode showed us just how much the countryside is suffering because of the war, we’re given a more personal story here where a man and his daughter who are kind and loyal won’t survive for long. It’s definitely a harsh reality check.
Breaker of chains
Dany continues her anti-slave-movement-ala-Abraham-Lincoln by taking her army of Unsullied and newly-freed Yunkish men to Meereen, another slaver city in Essos known for its giant golden pyramids.
It’s nice to see Daario finally living up to his reputation by killing the champion of Meereen with so very little effort. He’s a badass, that one. I’m almost ready to accept him as the new Daario. Almost 😀
Meanwhile, Dany gives another big speech in Valyrian (although the language in Meereen is Ghiscari, a sort of dialect of Valyrian) about freedom, her quest for anti-slavery and pretty much blah blah blah. Like I said, the only interesting things in Dany’s storyline right now is her dragons which we don’t see in this episode. So…
- Stannis Baratheon learns about Joffrey’s death and is eager to jump at this opportunity, demanding Ser Davos to rally an army for him. With Shireen’s help, Davos realizes that they can get a loan from the Iron Bank of Braavos to pay the Golden Company sellswords.
- Sam is sending Gilly to Mole’s town to live in a whorehouse, ironically because he’s afraid she’ll be raped and abused by his brothers at Castle Black. What’s even more ironic is a whore (someone who looks like a toad next to a troll) looking grossed out that Gilly is a wildling.
- The fivesome between Ellaria Sand and two curvy whores, the “procurer” whose name escapes me, and Oberyn Martell, Prince of Dorne. People keep complaining that the show’s nudity is too much, but for freak’s sake, they’re whores. Of course, they’re going to be nude in every scene they appear in. #smh
- Podrick Payne says goodbye to Tyrion Lannister. I nearly cried, you guys. They’re such a perfect combo, trio if you add Bronn. Seeing Pod go after Tyrion commands him to leave Kings Landing is so heartbreaking. “There has never lived a more loyal squire.” #liedown #trynottocry #cryalot
- Ygritte, Tormund, and the Thenns attack villages south of the Wall. We see Ygritte’s first badass move with a longbow and it’s quite harsh, you guys. She shoots a father right in the head who was earlier laughing with his son about boiled potatoes. I like that they’ve introduced the Thenns, but they’re too “stereotyped” IMO.
Will there be more clues about who killed Joffrey? Will Tommen be a good king? Will Sansa eventually realize that she’s playing a dangerous game with Littlefinger? Will the Wildlings reach The Wall and make good the Thenns’ promise to dine on crows? How will the Lannister-Tyrell alliance fare?
Let’s find out next week in “Oathkeeper” 😀
***I’m not sure if Tywin is saying Orys the First or Horace the First, there’s no mention about them in the books. There’s a good chance he just mispronounced Aerys the First who was succeeded by his cruel brother Maegor. But, the qualities Tywin describes don’t accurately fit. If it’s Orys the First, the only Orys mentioned in ASoIaF is Orys Baratheon, bastard half-brother of Aegon the Conqueror and founder of House Baratheon. But there’s no account of him being murdered by a younger brother too.