I’ve always considered myself lucky. I’m one of the few people who know exactly what they want to do and what they want to be. Since I could remember, I knew that fashion design was my thing.
I’ve been doodling and sketching on paper the moment I learned how to use a pencil. I used to bug my mom for extra printing papers I could doodle on and she always obliged me. I guess I’m also lucky enough that my parents didn’t reflect their own dreams or frustrations on me. Neither Mama nor Papa pushed me to be a doctor, lawyer, beauty queen, or some other ridiculous dream parents have for their children. They only pushed me to excel, to never settle, and to have my own goals.
Now, I don’t know where I’m headed. I resigned from my previous job because I could no longer stomach writing and squeezing all of my brain juices only to end up a nameless author. I didn’t resign because I had another job waiting (although there are still job offers knocking at my door). I resigned because I was so eager to become the next big “it” in fashion design.
Is that happening? Hardly. I now realize that my talent for sketching and imagining fashion isn’t enough. I need business know-how, finances, resources, sewing skills, and connections to make my name a brand. Problem is, I don’t have any of those. 😦
So right now, I’m scared shitless. Scared that I’ll blink and be 40 years old, stuck in a desk job somewhere, flipping through fashion magazines, and thinking of all the things I could have done but didn’t.