bacon and eggs

Scared Shitless

I’ve always considered myself lucky. I’m one of the few people who know exactly what they want to do and what they want to be. Since I could remember, I knew that fashion design was my thing.

I’ve been doodling and sketching on paper the moment I learned how to use a pencil. I used to bug my mom for extra printing papers I could doodle on and she always obliged me. I guess I’m also lucky enough that my parents didn’t reflect their own dreams or frustrations on me. Neither Mama nor Papa pushed me to be a doctor, lawyer, beauty queen, or some other ridiculous dream parents have for their children. They only  pushed me to excel, to never settle, and to have my own goals.

Now, I don’t know where I’m headed. I resigned from my previous job because I could no longer stomach writing and squeezing all of my brain juices only to end up a nameless author. I didn’t resign because I had another job waiting (although there are still job offers knocking at my door). I resigned because I was so eager to become the next big “it” in fashion design.

Is that happening? Hardly. I now realize that my talent for sketching and imagining fashion isn’t enough. I need business know-how, finances, resources, sewing skills, and connections to make my name a brand. Problem is, I don’t have any of those. 😦

So right now, I’m scared shitless. Scared that I’ll blink and be 40 years old, stuck in a desk job somewhere, flipping through fashion magazines, and thinking of all the things I could have done but didn’t.

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