The day I started taking college seriously was the day I realised, “Heck, I want to graduate with a medal.” That’s when I paid more attention to my assignments, projects, EVERYTHING. That didn’t stop me from enjoying the underbelly of college life though; weekend parties, late-night pizzas, movie marathons, delayed-projects-because-i-simply-forgot, eating noodles due to cash shortage—the works.
It was also at that point that I began to daydream, no, OBSESS! about working and getting paychecks on a regular basis. I was in it for the money. Who isn’t? I expected I’d go shopping every weekend, buying shoes and Legos, going to the spa or doing yoga, spending Friday nights at the newest restaurants, and saving money for my future business.
Now that I’m receiving paychecks every 2 weeks, NONE OF THOSE ARE HAPPENING! #facepalm
I don’t shop every weekend. I’d be hardpressed to go window shopping every three weeks, and by the end of that day I’ll end up depressed and craving for crepe ice cream.
I don’t buy shoes and Legos. The last pair of shoes I bought was for the pageant, and that wasn’t even from my own wallet. The Legos? Well, let’s just say I refuse to become the non-kid who bawls at toy stores because no one would buy her a toy. Even though I SO want to. 😦
I do yoga, though, which is good. Yey! I did something right!
I don’t have Friday night dinners at the newest restaurants. Just thinking of it makes me feel nauseous, because I know that at the end of that meal when I face the bill, I’ll totally regret eating good food. So I have to settle for silog, fried chicken booths, karenderia, and other below P50/meal food establishments. Although, I’d hardly call them food establishments. More like a space between parking lots slapped with a person’s name and the word “Eatery”.
Dinner times are now tedious, because instead of thinking “What should I eat?”, I think, “How much can I spend tonight so I won’t go starving this weekend?”
And the saddest thing of all, I’ve yet to save for my future. Or for my travel-the-world dreams. Not for my dreams of having a Lego collection, a shoe collection, an apartment of my own — NADA!
Does this all seem sad? They do, yeah. 😦
But I’m slowly realising, though I still try to deny, that those expectations were childish and selfish. Working and living in the real world isn’t about shopping or dining at fancy places or buying stuff you want or travelling wherever you wish or sleeping whenever you feel the need to.
Working is receiving a salary at the end of two weeks knowing that 80% of that money will go to bills and living expenses.
Working is being too exhausted at the end of the day that instead of working out like you promised yourself early in the morning, you end up drooling on your pillow with your uniform still on.
Working is sneering at the prospect of going out on Friday nights because a) you don’t have the money to spend for it, b) you’d rather stay at home sniffing your blanket and wishing you’d win the lotto, c) all of the above.
Working is sleeping all day on weekends, even Sundays, which results to headaches, which makes you wanna sleep more, which is a stupid endless cycle.
Working is not breezy, it’s work! You choose to stay in your job because you enjoy being in an office environment that somehow challenges you, because you prefer spending the day in an Arctic-cold (seriously, VERY COLD) office than wallow in your poorly-ventilated apartment, because you’d rather receive paychecks that go to bills than constantly ask money from your mom, because you’d rather look like a zombie each weeknight than do nothing all day, because you’d rather stay in your job now (even though you’ve no prospects of being promoted soon) than find and start a new one.
So it’ not all sad. It’s just a simple realisation that life may not be what you expect it.